About ME!

Hi guys.
So quite a lot of you liked my Facebook Page status yesterday when i asked who would like to know who is behind DrobeStudio and where i have come from to get this far.........so heres a little bit about me.

I grew up in the South of the UK.  Very shy, never said what i wanted to say and always bottled things up and kept them to myself.
Going to school was ok, but every morning when i was still quite young i used to cry every morning.  When i look back now, that must have been so draining for my mum who had to take me in every day.
I was scared that i wouldnt know where the toilet was or that because i wear glasses people would make fun of me.
When i was about 10 years old (i think) we moved from where we were living in the busy city to a place about 10 miles away.  It was a lot quieter there with not as much to do, but i didnt mind that.  Then i started panicking about going to school again.  By the time i was 10 i had got over the crying, i had made friends with people where we were living but then all of a sudden we moved and i would have to do it all over again.
It was nice though.  I got introduced to the class i would be in and the teacher asked for a show of hands as to who would like to show me around the school.  At first no body put their hands up but then a few started to go up.  One boy was picked, who to this day is still my best friend.  Once i had been showed around he school by him, i sat on his table in the class and met his friends who instantly seemed to become my friends.  Everyone wanted to know me.  I had my ear pierced, i wore glasses, apparently that was 'cool'.
Then senior school came......
The first week or so was ok, but then i got worried about going to school.  We had just finished our last lesson of the day, it was home time.  But first we had to get from the third floor of the building down the stairs.  That was bad enough as it was because all the classes at once would try and fit down the stairs.  That was a bit daunting for me having all these people rushing to get out and down the stairs.  But anyway, this particular day, our class was one of the last out.  We made our way to the stairs, as i got to the top, we heard some of the older kids behind us.  My friends moved out the way and as they did one of the bigger kids jumped on my back and pushed me down the stairs, not stopping there he then picked me up at the bottom and then jumped on my back again down the next set of stairs.  It was as if he was surfing down the stairs, except i was the surf board!  When they had finished with me, they just got up and walked off laughing.  My friends came rushing down to the second floor of the building and asked if i was ok but i couldnt really walk as my shins were all cut and my legs were bruised.  Eventually they helped me walk to the school gate where one of my friends mums was waiting to take us home.
I got in and just laid on my bed crying, the pain was so bad.  My mum and dad came up to see if i was ok as my brother had told them i had hurt myself.  I wasnt going to tell them the truth because i didnt want the older boys getting in trouble and blaming me.  My dad told me that if i didnt tell him what had happened, he would go to the school and find out himself.  At that age i didnt really know what that meant or how he would find out but it worried me so i told the truth.  My dad came with me to school the next day, after a lot of persuasion to do so.  He went with me and spoke to my head of year.  She explained to me that if i could tell her who had done it then she would sort it out and make sure that i didnt get hurt again.  I pointed the boys out to her and she knew them anyway.
It was all sorted eventually, but after that it worried me about going to school, some of the kids were a lot bigger than me, some of them didnt seem to mind getting into trouble.  My brother started at the school a few years after me.  He was bullied very badly by the same boys every day, to the point he didnt want to go to school.  He didnt tell anyone for ages.  Until he came and told me, so i told my dad. My dad told me, if the teachers wont sort it out, stick together and deal with it yourselves.  Obviously not to the point we go out and attack people, but if my brother was getting picked on, try and resolve it without violence.
Now, my brother would never cry in front of anyone.  But this day, i was sat in the prefect lounge with some others, maybe about 15-20 other prefects, when my brother walked in and started to cry.  I knew something was wrong straight away as he was crying.  I asked him what was wrong.  He told me that four boys had pinned him against the wall whilst another one had kicked him in the 'privates'.  This made me quite annoyed as my brother had gone through enough of this bullying without something like this happening as well.  After countless times of telling the teachers nothing was still getting done.
So, i told my brother to show me which ones.  He was reluctant but he started walking.  Half way there i looked round and everyone that had been in the prefect lounge was behind me.  We looked like a small army!  When we were approaching the large group of boys, my brother started to shy away a little bit.  I told him not to worry and that i wouldnt let any of them do anything.  He told which 5 had pinned him and kicked him.  I went to try and talk to them, but their mouths seemed to only be able to swear...........so one by one, i got the boys, and one by one my brother did back what he had done to him.  Now i know this may not be the right thing to do, i realise that now, but, after he had done this and showed he wasnt scared, they never came near him again.  We went home and told our mum and dad and they both said well done!  Looking back now though, this probably wasnt the right thing to do, it just seemed like the only option as the teachers didnt do anything.
I left that school when i had finished all my exams and things and started working pretty much straight away.  This is the school though that i will be re-visiting in a few weeks time to do my assembly about anti-bullying.

At the end of 2005 into the beginning of 2006 my dad was teaching me how to drive.  I had passed my theory test so all i needed to do was pass the practical bit.  Thats what i was finding so hard!  I kept going and going with it trying to pass each time but i just seemed to be getting failed on silly little things.  But still me and my dad went out driving quite a lot, to the point sometimes my mum would ring up wandering where we had got to.  That was fun, just me and my dad spending time together, messing about and creating memories.  Although i saw my dad when i was growing up, because of the shifts he used to work, it was mainly night time ones so when he was in bed, i was at school or i was out with my mum so we didnt wake him up and then when he was at work, i was in bed.  So my dad teaching me to drive, it was fun but i loved it more because i got to spend time with him and i got to see him laugh!  Mainly at me when i did something wrong.  I think he enjoyed it too though.

My son was also born at the beginning of 2006, which was a brilliant thing!  My dad adored him, and was actually the first person to feed him in the hospital because he wouldnt take milk from anything so the nurses said we would have to cup feed him.  My dad was the first person to do this and looked like the proud grandad!  I still have the picture in my head......the first day after my son had been born, there had been quite a lot of complications, so we were put in our own room away from the ward.  My dad had just finished work, it was quite late but he had managed to get onto the ward somehow, dont know what he had said to the nurses.  One of them came and knocked on the door and asked if someone could come in.  I wasnt expecting anyone, but then my dad appeared.  I felt really happy.  He came in with a teddy bear, looked at my partner at the time asleep in the bed, looked at my son who was also sleeping, and then looked at me.  Smiled, shook my hand and said "Well done son" "Im proud of you" then gave me a big cuddle.  He put the teddy bear at the foot of the cot and then said he would leave us all to rest but would come back tomorrow.  The next day he came back and thats when he fed his grandchild.

June 2006, i was at work as my dad had helped me get a job with one of his friends doing building work and general property maintenance.  We had finished for the day, about 4pm.  We had just got in the van to go home when my mum rang me asking me if i was ok.  I said that i was and had just finished work.  I asked why she was asking.  She explained that a police man had been to her front door and my youngest brother had answered.  He wanted to speak to my mum, so my brother told him that she was at work.  My mum was ringing to make sure i was ok and she had managed to get hold of my other brother too so it was just my dad.
Now, my dad was always doing something to end up in the hospital!  They even put new higher barriers up on the motorway after my dad rolled his car over the last lot!  So nobody was too worried.
I was about to be dropped off at my flat but then decided to go round to my mum and dads just to see if everything was ok.  As i got there, my mum phoned again.  Sounded like she had seen a ghost.  She said to me, "Go to the house, make sure your brothers stay there with you, i need to tell you something".  I asked her why.  She said she would be home soon and she would tell me.  I asked her why agan, i knew from her voice something was wrong.  She again wouldnt tell me.  Then she pulled up outside, in the police car.  She got out, with the police man and came round the back of the house in the back door.  Looked at me and my brothers stood there and a tear rolled down her face.  She started to stutter a little bit and the police man asked her if she wanted him to tell us.  I didnt know what was happening.  My mum said it was something she had to do.  I asked in a very worried voice what had happened.  My mum tried to compose herself a little bit before saying to us "your dad's been killed in a car crash".  My dad's best friend who i had been at work with was in the garden and dropped to his knees, my youngest brother instantly cried, my other brother ran off upstairs.  I shouted "What"?!  Nobody spoke.  I went outside, i didnt know what to do.  I felt like my whole world had come crashing down.  My dad was like my best friend.  We had built up such a good relationship over the previous year, he still had so much to see from his grandson, i still had things i wanted to say to him and then all of a sudden he was gone.
I went out the front of the house.  With that, one of those 'boy racer' cars went passed with a few teenagers in it, they kept speeding up and down our quiet little road.  Going way too fast.  I lost my temper, i couldnt keep it in.  I started shouting and the car stopped.  I was ready to drag the driver out and explain exactly what could happen if he crashes!  My dad's friend came rushing out and pulled me away.  The boys looked terrified and they also went away.  I kicked the wall with my steel toe capped boots on and took a chunk of brick out the wall.  I felt so angry.  How dare my dad go like that.
Then i had to ring everyone and tell them.  I wanted to stay at my mums with her and my brothers so we packed up some of our things and some of my sons things and we pretty much moved in for a while.
That night i couldnt get to sleep.  I must have drifted off though because i heard a noise.  For a split second i forgot what had happened.  I thought it was my dad just getting in from work.  Then it hit me, he wasnt coming home.  But what if they had made a mistake?  That was the first time i had cried since my mum told us.
I dont have much recollection of things that went on around that time or for a long time after.  I became really ill.  At the time i didnt know i was ill, but i was severely depressed, beating myself up about what had happened, all the things i wish i had said but never did.
I turned to drinking.  At first it wasnt much but then it turned into more and more.  It seemed to help, it made me forget.  But now when i try and think back, i regret that because i have forgotten a lot of things.  My daughter was born two years later.  I cant remember important things about when they were growing up.  I was too self consumed about my dad and my feelings to care about anyone else.

A lot of things happened between then and now.  But i got help with my drinking, my depression and the thoughts in my head that wouldnt go away.
It is still very raw to this day what happened to my dad and how i feel about it.  But i can deal with it better now.


At the beginning of 2011 me and my partner broke up officially, after being together for 10 years and having 2 beautiful kids, it just didnt work anymore.
I see my kids regularly and its great, obviously i wish i could see them more.  I always tell them stories about their grandad.
Around May time in 2011 i started to write my thoughts down, in an attempt to try and help myself.  Then i thought, what if i wrote them as a song and tried making some music.  I almost gave up on that idea as i had no idea what i was doing!  It started kind of writing poems.  Then i found some software and put it on my laptop and started playing around with it.  I came up with some good little tunes.  Then i started to try and sing to them.  Although i can sing a little bit, i am not great at it to be honest!  So then i started reading my poems to the beat of the music.
The more i did it, the more i got hooked.  The more i would write and the more music i would produce.  I had everything set up in my built in wardrobe.  I had my laptop hooked up to the T.V as a second monitor and then i had a microphone i had found in the house.  That is where the name DrobeStudio came from.  I had the makings of a studio in a wardrobe.  DrobeStudio was born!
It all kind of just started as a hobby to get m out of the bad patch i was in.  But the more i did it i just got addicted!
I would rush home from work to work on something i had been doing.  I would book time off work just to focus on my music.
Thing is, when i listen back to the stuff i did back then, it makes me cringe!  It is so not good.  But at the time i thought i was great!  I worked on an album and released it onto itunes.  Although i havent sold millions of copies, ive sold a few!
I now have a name, a brand if you like.  I was thinking about becoming a registered charity and see if people would donate so i can continue doing my anti-bullying work along with other projects but then i didnt really think it would take off that well.
I have been building my followers and fans now for about 2 years and collectively now probably have about 3000 fans maybe!  Which i think is a brilliant achievement.  I was made admin and co-founder of Project No Bullies on Facebook and Twitter about 6 months ago.  Now i am going to be in at keast two newspapers and am going to a school!  All from doing my music.

It hasnt all been plain sailing, there have been times where ive just wanted to give up.  But thats what ive always done in the past.  It takes a little bit for me to remind myself how far ive come from the start!  If i can use my experiences in life to help others and do that through music thats all i want to do.
Im not looking to be signed to a record label, but if it happened that would be amazing!  I just want people to know who i am, buy my music and like it.
I have worked hard over the last two years building this up, on my own, no trianing, not evern knowing what im doing at the start!  I work hard on every song i write and always try to produce my own music too.
Please keep supporting.  :)

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Thanks for taking the time to read guys.

Ben - DrobeStudio.